Taking a Break

It’s been a while since I got myself back into blabbing online. It’s been over a year to be exact. I thought of posting something today because A. It’s 2am and I have nothing to do and B. I have a lot of things in my mind so why not share it here.

I don’t really have a theme for today’s blog post. Normally I would post photographs of my trips or review my film cameras. But I haven’t been traveling like I used to. In fact, I got a bit busy with my new job and I try to focus on my life right now. But to be quite honest with you, when I say “I’m focusing” I don’t really know exactly what the answer is yet. At the top of my head it’s leaning towards balancing my goals and doing what I like.

In the beginning of 2016, I was determined to jumpstart my career and really focus on enriching myself. It’s funny because I only realized this when I was 26. I should’ve thought about it earlier in my life. But I guess all of us are different and we have different timezones. I guess I can say my “puberty” stage in knowing my goals came a little bit late.

I pursued everything that I ever wanted in my list. In my list, you’d read, “I wanna do this, I wanna do that! I’m gonna be like this, I’m gonna be like that!” There are so many things that I wanted to do and one of them is pursuing graduate studies. I really enjoyed it but it’s really difficult to juggle my time between work and school. I spent exactly one semester and I dropped out.

I can’t believe I’m a graduate school drop out. What a shame, I told myself. But I really did my best and maybe it’s something that is not for me. Maybe I was doing everything on my list all at once that it started to take a toll on me. I guess I put too much pressure on myself and most of the time it’s difficult for me to accept failures.

I asked myself if pursuing studies is something that I truly want. Maybe I was just fulfilling the dream that I had now that I can financially support myself to it. But do I still want it?

I started to take a break and let go of my long term goals for a bit. Sometimes I forget about the things that I like doing. I don’t even remember the last time I picked up my film camera, read a book or go on a weekend trip. These are the things that spark a fire when I do them.

I reassessed my idea of success, too. I had a mentality of “When I earn this much or when I get a job like this”, I will be successful. I realized it’s a never ending cycle. If I was given an X amount of money, am I going to be happy? Am I going to be successful? Tendency is I will want more and my idea of success does not make any sense.

Now I think success is not about how financially stable you are, how amazing your job title is — but being fulfilled in life. It could be as simple as accomplishing my daily tasks at work, meeting up an old friend or finishing a book that I love. Everyday you are successful because you’re able to do the things that you like.

Of course, long term goals are still there. But I learned I shouldn’t forget about my small accomplishments and fulfillments in life because these are the foundation of my success.

I try to be more kind to myself instead of thinking about what I should’ve done to avoid failures. But that’s in a different blog post, the one that I posted before this. I reflected in a lot of things and I discover something new about myself everyday. New perception in life and new ways to handle difficulties.

I’ve always thought I’d figured out life by now. But the truth is, as adults, we are still growing. There are lot of things we do not expect, good or bad, it’s about how we are going to handle it. Like, do I dwell on the bad things or should I think about what I learned from it? It took me a while to learn this and I’m glad I did.

We are alive and it means the possibilities are endless. This is it, this is a one time thing, we have one life — this is your life. You can stay in your comfort zone if you want to, but, life is a one time chance and you have to keep moving. Sure we have fears but why not try new things and revisit the things that you love to minimize it?

Thank you for reading. Life is beautiful, enjoy it.


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