For more than a year, I have been getting treatments for my mental disorder. I remember I used to hate the words
‘mental disorder‘, it did not sound right to me. I used to think I was a defect of the society, a waste of existence to be exact. It was and still is a part of me that I have learned to accept. After all, acknowledging my emotions and my mental state are the first steps I needed to do to get better.
So, what’s wrong with me? I was diagnosed with Anxiety disorder with depressive symptoms. I’m a high functioning person with Anxiety.
I was having the time of my life, I had the best friends anyone could ever ask for and I had a great job. And then, there’s something in me that tells me I am stupid, I am not good enough for the people in my life and I am nothing.
I still have fun, I still have my friends and I still have my job, but, my mind was polluted with negative thoughts.
I had low self esteem, I had zero coping capabilities, I was obsessed with my thoughts and my time. I was only sleeping for a couple of hours or not at all. I had thoughts about people around me think I’m stupid. I used to be upset about being 27, 28 and not being able to control my emotions and my thoughts. I wanted people to leave me alone but at the same time I didn’t want them to leave. I wanted to disappear.
I was in this position before and I got tremendously upset about being here again. I had a relapse shortly after being out of psychotherapy. I had a psychologist and a life coach that helped me to get through my demons. It felt like all my hard work was taken away from me. I was already doing great and it was definitely harder this time.
I felt the feeling of emptiness and it’s scary. I knew the feeling of happiness, the idea of happiness, how it feels to be upset or to cry, but, it was blank. It felt like I’ve exhausted all of my emotions and there was nothing left in me.
I tried medications this time. I didn’t like the idea of medications before because I wanted to get better naturally by counseling and acupuncture treatments. I learned a lot from my counseling sessions, I had a new perception in life and it changed the way I think, but sometimes, I couldn’t help to sink into my negativity.
Visiting a Psychiatrist is just the same as visiting a general physician. You tell them what’s wrong with you, the treatments you have tried and what you want to happen going forward. Medication is not a magic pill that will instantly take away your mental disorder, therapy and medicine go hand in hand. Although Psychiatrists do not do intensive Psychotherapy the way Psychologists do.
Regardless of some side effects like feeling emotionally blank, uncomfortable anxiousness and increasing appetite, so far, so good. I rarely get upset about the things that used to upset me, I am able to leave the house with no racing thoughts and I am able to sleep again. I wish I didn’t wait so long to seek medication, but, I guess I had to learn the hard way.
I can say I no longer feel worthless and I’m learning to be kind to myself. I am able to separate my emotions from what I went through. It was a dark place and I don’t want to go back there ever again.
Why did I write this? I know there are a lot of people suffering from a mental disorder, or maybe you’re feeling a little blue and upset. It helps to talk to somebody, even talking only to one friend. All of us are fighting our own battles, so, do not believe those people who’ll tell you others have it worse. If you’re not comfortable telling your thoughts to the people in your life, you have your school counselors and there are free counseling hotlines available. Getting treated could be costly but there are a lot of affordable organizations and hospitals locally that are just as good.
Center for Family Ministries (Counseling)
Ateneo de Manila University Campus
Loyola Heights, Quezon City
Fax : (632) 426-4285
Telephone numbers : (632) 426-4289 to 92
Amang Rodriguez Psychiatry – Dr. Chris Alipio
Find him here: https://pinoymentalhealthblog.com
I had my counseling sessions in CEFAM a while back and they accept donations only. Dr. Alipio, on the other hand, is the Psychiatrist I found on Reddit and I heard he’s good. You can go to Amang Rodriguez Hospital but they don’t schedule appointments, you have to line up early. Or you can set up an appointment with him on weekends.
I went to a different Psychiatrist though, in Quezon City. She is Dr. Evangeline Gadi, she has a long list of experience in the med world. I go to her every month for checkups and medicine adjustments. I pay 1,500 PHP whenever I go for a follow up checkup. I know it’s a bit expensive but it’s relatively cheaper than the doctors in Medical City and Makati Med.
I tried to put as much information as I could and I hope it helps. Keep on moving and do not stop trying. We live a very good life. This a beautiful place.